With one look at Gary Kubiak, it is immediately evident that this is a man who desperately needs a vacation. You could say that Gary Kubiak has had a bad week, but then again, it has been a bad overall season for the former head coach of the Houston Texans. This season, Kubiak has been a literal sinking ship and he has taken the Texans down with him. But there was no dramatic drowning scene when they finally gave Kubiak the boot last Friday – it was a good riddance that team owners, managers and fans were glad to see, especially after a whopping 11 losses in a row. Apparently, though, Kubiak has a reason for his crackpot antics: he went off CPAP therapy for obstructive sleep apnea.
The only question people are asking now is why he didn’t sign up with Easy Breathe’s CPAP RX Package, which allows you to get a CPAP prescription in less than two days.
Indeed, back in 2010, Kubiak’s struggles with obstructive sleep apnea were already negatively affecting the team when he had to miss several days of pre-season combine picks to repair a deviated septum. But you can’t blame the guy – his struggles with sleep apnea have been getting in the way of his professional career all the way back to when he was a quarterback for the Denver Broncos. Accordingly to a 2003 study, NFL players are extremely likely to suffer from obstructive sleep apnea, especially compared to other guys in their age bracket.
Even though Kubiak doesn’t look like Fatty Arbuckle – according to his body mass index, he is considered technically overweight at roughly six feet tall and 192 pounds. Even his kids, Klint, Klay and Klein – I really hope their middle names don’t start with a ‘K’ – say that he sure has an appetite for southern cooking. Also, it probably doesn’t help that Kubiak is a rabid workaholic. They even think that his transient ischemic attack, or mini-stroke, suffered back in beginning of November, had something to do with his obstructive sleep apnea.
But when it comes down to it, skipping CPAP treatment is no excuse for leading the Texans to 11 consecutive losses – not to mention getting flagged 14 times for a record breaking 177 yards – and one of the worst seasons in NFL history. Kubiak’s rebuff was that he was in between doctors and traveling with the team when asked why he skipped CPAP treatment. The only question people are asking now is why he didn’t sign up with Easy Breathe’s CPAP RX Package, which allows you to get a CPAP prescription in less than two days.
When it comes down to it, Kubiak could have been undergoing CPAP treatment at the beginning of the season. With Easy Breathe’s CPAP RX Package, sufferers of sleep apnea can conveniently get a prescription – even if they are in between physicians, out of town, or busy coaching a football team. The RX Package is easy to sign up for and you can be shopping for a new CPAP machine in only two days. What is two days compared to one of the worst NFL seasons in history? On the bright side, now Kubiak can finally head to the Bahamas with his wife Rhonda for some nice R&R – and maybe reflect on how he’ll make different choices in the future. There is even a rumor that he may try his hand at directing a musical on Broadway, but that rumor is unfounded.
*This is satirical content created for fun and your enjoyment.